our big update

Perverts Again Update

Our songs had been written for nearly a year when we finally recorded them as the 7-inch MY ACCIDENT on the label “Total Punk”. You can buy it at a show from us or here. If you are uncertain, Sorry State was nice about it here. Stamped on the cover is a group of Perverts attempting to gain domestic control over a pot-bellied mosquito. Do not be fooled, however, as the songs within the 7-inch have little, if nothing, to do with that image. More about the songs:

“My Accident” discusses a time in which a depressed doctor accidentally contaminates his patient with a popular virus.

“My Embarrassment” discusses a time in which a car wash goes horrifically wrong, and reveals that the car wash customer wears a secret one-piece undersuit. After being ridiculed for his bad clothes, the customer wreaks havoc upon the car wash boys.

Those who have listened to the song seem to like it. I tried a gimmick at a show where I printed off all the lyrics of “My Accident” on sheets of printer paper in Comic Sans and each time I would sing a line I would throw it in the audience. I wanted to make a big mess but people just cleaned it up every time I threw one. If there was ever a “My Embarrassment II”, it would be about that moment. I learned my lesson, and we have not played “My Accident” since!

We also played a big heroin benefit show, in which the money would be donated to an organization that provides first-aid to overdose victims. Heroin is a big epidemic in the Great Lakes area, so it was a good idea, but we only made a measly $600 after we were forced to change venues at short notice. As we were setting up to play, the sound guy made fools out of us! He told Kid Gone Crazy to “speak into the fuckin’ mic!” and he told Piss, who was smiling, “Is that fuckin’ funny?” Poor Piss! So I walked up to the sound guy to see what was the matter, and he said, “I don’t know what’s wrong, I’m just trying to do my job and you guys are making me seem like an asshole!” We talked and talked, and he just seemed very problematic. He was worried that his friends, who were planning to skip all the opening bands, would get here while we were still playing, even though they only wanted to watch the last band! Poor sound guy… I knew something was wrong! If we weren’t trying to raise money for a good cause, I woulda slapped him on the belly to make him feel better about his dilemma, but instead we just played a pissy and short set. I talked with him afterwards, and he was still acting bothered, even though his friends would still be able to see the last band at the designated time. He then told me I didn’t understand rock and roll, and to stick around to see how “fuckin’ professionals (Fuck You Pay Me) do it”. And he was right! After playing shows for 12 years, I finally learned about rock and roll by watching them set up.

(Photo by Aaron Rhodes)

Now, our big album! This fall, we will be releasing our second LP, FRIDAY NIGHT LIGHT, on Total Punk! The album is already completed finished; we are just not sure what date it will be released. Our Yes-Yes and our KGC could very well be gone by the time it’s released (more info below), but we will establish a temporary band line-up so that we can continue to perform the songs live in support of the exciting new album. The songs, unlike our dirty previous album, are surprisingly clean, and you may even find them inspiring, but you will probably not. I am writing a novelization of the album to sell on our upcoming tour, and I’ll print more copies in time for the album’s release.

We were also supposed to have OUR BIG PARTY, our first LP (2015), repressed in Europe, along with FRIDAY NIGHT LIGHT, but the label told us “nevermind”. I wonder what we did wrong!

NON COMMERCIAL RECORDS is re-releasing OUR BIG PARTY with an alternate cover and back cover, which should be available this summer.

Locally, we are playing the HORRIBLE FEST pre-party with Real Regular, Brainwashed Youth, and Mourning A BLK Star at NOW THAT’S CLASS on Thursday 5/25, a random all-locals show with Cotton Ponys at Mahall’s on 6/1, and a show with SROS LORDS and DEAR DARKNESS on 6/3.

We are touring this July to cities that will take us through interesting parts of the country, except for a bunch of shows in Texas, which is only sometimes interesting. Here’s where we’ll be:

7/5 - Chicago
7/6 - Minneapolis
7/7 - Winnipeg
7/8 - Calgary
7/10 - Missoula
7/11 - SLC
7/13 - Phoenix
7/14 - El Paso
7/15 - Austin
7/16 - Denton
7/17 - TBD
7/18 - St. Louis
7/19 - TBD
7/20 - Greensboro, NC

Cruelster Update

(Photo by Aaron Rhodes)

Are you wondering what we’ve been up to in the past few months? Or has it been years? Life goes by really fast, if you’re living it fast. It’s hard to believe that we’ve been a band since late 2012, and that we have been playing the same songs live for almost five years now. You see, we have had a demo, an LP, and several 45s released since 2012, but…

Our big secret is that we’ve been sitting on a near-complete second LP for about six months. It is titled, it has a label lined up, and all tracks are completed. Why are we sitting on it? Well, the better question is, why is Yes-Yes sitting on it? The answer is simple. Yes-Yes is expiring. The young man is worn out, and his artificially advanced age is internally catching up with him. It is hard to explain without using hyper-scientific words that would only be misunderstood and perceived as condescending, so let me explain as simply as I can:

(Photo by Aaron Rhodes)

When Cruelster first began, Yes-Yes surprised audiences across the United States with his strange energy. At each show, he would expend about 3% of his limited lifetime energy. Here is the trouble: as Yes-Yes continued at this rate, over the course of hundreds (dozens?) of shows, he started to approach energy depletion, also known as equilibrium, in which he would become one with science. We do not want Yes-Yes to expire, so we made a big decision: at each show, Yes-Yes would expend a small amount of energy proportionate to the average number of shows we have left in our tenure as a band. Assuming Kid Gone Crazy (age 24) will die in a motorbike accident at age 26, and that we, currently ages 24-25, will be considered “old” by age 35, we will have an average of seven years left as an active band. Using complex maths, Yes-Yes had determined the perfect amount of energy to use at each live performance in order to prevent premature equilibrium. However, there is a flaw in his calculations, which none of us considered: recording music. Recording music takes a great deal of energy for Yes-Yes to do, but it is not the same type of energy as that of which he uses during live performances. Instead, this energy has unexplained qualities and an unexplained quantity, something akin to “dark matter”, and its usage as it pertains to his live-performance energy is entirely unknown. Therefore, we are treading carefully with the release of this album. Yes-Yes has about three more songs to vocalize, and then we will quickly mix and master the tracks, complete the album art, and release the music to the masses.

In addition to the Yes-Yes’ energy dilemma, a further reason for the album’s delay is the following change to Cruelster’s future: Yes-Yes is moving to South Korea for a year, and Kid Gone Crazy is moving to Australia. If you are wondering why Yes-Yes is moving to South Korea, then you have not been paying attention to the news. You see, South Korea is soon to fall victim to vast amounts of nuclear energy due to its curious neighbors to the north, and, if you have not already made this conclusion on your own, Yes-Yes feeds off of this nuclear energy. It is theorized that this energy will fuel his mysterious music-making drive, though there is no way to tell for sure until he embarks on the journey. Yes-Yes will depart on August 1, 2017, and return approximately 365 days later. If you want clues as to why KGC is going to the Outback, I highly recommend listening carefully to the lyrics in the upcoming Vanilla Poppers LP on Lumpy Records. The lead singer, Christina, outlines exactly why she believes KGC should come with her to her homeland.